“I can’t even get a contract for a new phone, because that is too much commitment for me.” – one of my best friends said this to me weeks ago. And I’ve never related to something more. Also, I think there is no better way to describe our generations love life.
If you trust baby boomers or generation X our generation is the one who’s ruining all the romance that ever existed on this planet. We can’t do relationships, because the only thing we can hardly commit to is a netflix membership. (I mean you can cancel this every month – ever tried that with a partner?) But why is that? What happened to us that traumatized us so much? (Besides Tik Tok.)
I’ve recently read a book, which is my new favorite book ever written (ask my friends because I forced them all to read it.) It’s called “The Modern Break Up”. And I think it sums up pretty well whats “wrong” with us. And since I’ve got nothing to do and because I’m such a nice person, I’ll sum all these amazing eye-opening informations up for all of you.
But I wanna start with one thing, that I came up with myself.
Is it really that bad?
Honestly, people always refer to us as “those people” who don’t know what love is, how important marriage is and how much we love being by ourselves. “Generation of being incapable of relationships.” But are we really?
I mean, Marilyn Monroe was married three times. Elizabeth Taylor said yes eight times. Not to say that there is anything wrong with that, but they’ve lived way before the words “friendship with benefits” existed. And time changes people. Yes, we don’t get married with 16 anymore. But yeeeeears ago you kind of had to. Because social standards were different and it was part of survival to be married and to have a family. And I don’t wanna say that our social standards (which mostly contains our twitter followers and how we work photoshop to get as many likes from strangers to feel valued and accepted as possible) are any better or worse. It’s just that they are different. And isn’t it freaking awesome that, especially as a woman, my goals in life don’t have to be family and kids, but career and doing something I love?
Also what people like to forget (or ignore) is that “relationships” are defined really differently these days than they were when a “tweet” was a bird noise and not your opinion on the internet. People have different sexualities and different ideas of relationships. There is more than hetereosexuality and monogamy. Maybe not for you – but for others. And isn’t it great that everybody gets a chance to be themselves?
Ok back to the book. I took three of the most important topics (in my opinion) because if you wanna know more you should read that book.
1. We can’t talk anymore. We just swipe.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – a Like on instagram is NOT THE SAME as telling someone that you like them in real life. We can’t communicate anymore, for many reasons.
We just listen but we don’t understand each other. We aren’t even trying. Because there can’t be any other right opinion than ours.
Something else that people forget is that we almost only communicate with our phones these days. Which is where all those misunderstandings are coming from. Because a huge part of communication is body language. Which is just not a part of texting. Instead we fall for heart emojis and other weird smileys. And if a person texts just slightly different we assume that they are mad or whatever. But instead of asking we shut down – because we can’t talk anymore. (And because talking about your feelings is only cool if it’s for an instagram meme.)
We feel replaceable – but at the same time we replace people just like that. Don’t get me wrong you shouldn’t stay in an unhealthy relationship. But just because you’ve got problems, it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing. Love is not a Taylor Swift song. It’s work. It always has been. And you can swipe your whole life away trying to look for the next problem. And yes it’s never been that easy as it is for us. And yes some things can’t be worked out. But sometimes we don’t even try because we feel like there is something better for us. (Just based on photos obviously.)
2. Is it love or lust?
We don’t know what we want. Most of the time. I don’t even know what I want to eat tonight. And “the order” kind of changed. Back in the days you dated to go into a relationship and then have sex. Today we kind of date to have sex and maaaaaaybe end up in a relationship. And maybe that is kind of fucked up – it always depends on what you want. I think the most important part of this is, that it’s ok if you are just looking for sex. People do that. But you have to make your intentions very clear. We do treat sex like its nothing, when maybe it’s not such a big deal for you it could be for the other person. Just be real and honest. Also to yourself – don’t confuse lust for love. Which leads me right to my last point.
3. Don’t paint red flags white.
Let’s be real – we LOVE to complain. We just do. Everybody is so mean and everybody is messing with our feelings. Well, I can only speak for myself. But whenever I had the chance of choosing to meet with someone who was actually interested in me and showed that – or the one who doesn’t show it but there is this kind of tension or “attraction” even tho it’s probably pretty toxic, I’d go with the last one. At least that’s what I did. And I’m not that stupid. Maybe in the beginning you don’t see red flags. But at some point you do. And instead of walking away we paint them white. “No he isn’t like that.” “She would never do that.” When indeed they are just like that and they’d do it just like that. I’m not saying it’s only ourselves to blame. What I’m saying is we can’t only just blame others for our ignorance. We can blame them for their shitty behaviour. But can we really only blame them for us not wakling away? For your friends it’s that’s obvious that he’s as fuckboy. But for you, he is your soulmate. But maybe at some point you have to see THE reality instead of your own.
Ok now I’ve told you all the things that are wrong with us. But I wanna say one thing. Everybody is different. As much as I know single people I know as many people being in a really long relationship or getting married. Maybe not with 17 but with 32. And that is just as awesome because love has no time limits.
We, our generation, are not killing romance or love. We just give it a new definition. Maybe not a perfect one, but a more open one filled with more acceptance. And whatever you do or who you love – I hope you can give love your own definition. Because there isn’t just one. There is at least 7 billion. And there is someone who shares one with you. Or one that’s pretty close to yours. Because love is work and compromise just as much as fun and wonderful moments.
“No matter how attractive a person’s potential may be, you have to date their reality.” – The Modern Break-Up
Love, Lea ♡