One of my best friends, let’s call her Sara (because that’s her name), looked at me on monday and reminded me that I haven’t “posted anything on my blog for a while”. Well, it’s just been two weeks, but she is right. I said that I would probably on wednesday. And then I realized today that tomorrow (or today when you’re reading this) is wednesday – so, here we are.
I didn’t feel like writing the last couple weeks. And while it’s true that I only write whenever I want to, I reminded myself that it is during times I feel not at all like writing, I actually write the best posts. Also it does make me feel better. So, I looked at my drafts, that I have been ignoring for moooonths (seriously, I have unfinished posts from august 2019), and chose one, because my mind feels like a carousel that won’t stop spinning and I can’t come up with something new.
I feel like I’ve been thinking more than usual. I mean, in general I spend more time in my thoughts than all of my friends together probably, but like even more than I have done in the last month. It’s not all overthinking and worrying, it’s other things too. Actually good thoughts. Also, I’ve been talking much lately too. Oh yeah and school started again and they’ve been talking way too much anyway. And I feel tired. Not in a depressed or sad kind of way, just actually tired. (Probably because I don’t sleep lol but noooo way that’s the reason.) I just feel literally drained. And instead of hating on myself for not being there 100% all the time and asking why I can’t succeed in every part of my life right away all the time, I stopped and wondered.
What advice would I give to my friends feeling that way?
I wouldn’t tell them that they are stupid. That they are acting immature. That they should just get their shit together. I would not say any of that because I do not think that about them at all. But yet, I talk to myself that way because I have expectations for myself that are higher than the moon and just as far away. Seriously tho, why do we have so much understanding and empathy for others, yet we don’t have that for ourselves?
I would tell them that we live in a freaking pandemic right now. Life has never felt that uncertain and unsafe for us. It’s ok to struggle. I would tell them that we can’t give everything all of us all the time because that is just not possible. And nobody expects us to do that. I would tell them that it is ok to give yourself a break. That they are handling their life really good and that there will always be a way.
Whenever I feel deflated, like the ballons I’ve got for my birthday in july, which are just laying on the floor judging me for not throwing them away because I just cannot throw things away, I could make myself feel even worse by telling me how much I’m failing at life. But that would be like running over my ballons and jumping on them, getting all the air out and then expecting them to fly and wondering can’t. Or I could follow my own advice and tell myself that it’s ok if I can’t go through my whole to-do list today. That I can take some time to do something I acutally enjoy instead of running behind things, I cannot reach all at once. That I need myself to fill up with energy and good memories. And that is like filling helium into my deflated ballons – they start flying around again.
I guess it is always, always easier to give advice rather than taking your own. It’s easier because you just have to find ideas for others and you don’t actually have to go through with it and actually do something about it.
But what person would I be if I’d take my own advice?
Well, I definitely would go to bed earlier without my phone (thanks Tik Tok).
I wouldn’t smoke. Sometimes. Lol. (Sorry Mom.)
I wouldn’t run after people that are not worth chasing.
I would be nicer to myself and appreciate all those things I actually reached instead of reminding myself on all those goals I haven’t reached yet.
I wouldn’t overthink every second of my life.
I would actually listen to my online classes. (Not happening tbh.)
There are so many things, but I guess it wouldn’t make me a different person. I try to take my own advice, like “just tell them what you think” and to be more honest. But I think that we learn through experiences. And the only reason we can give good advice is because we’ve either been in a similar situation and have done the complete opposite or because we imagine what we would do in a perfect world and give that advice to someone. Maybe they just take 10% of it or maybe it just gives them a new perspective. But often, that is more than enough.
If there is just one advice I would give to everybody, even myself, it is: whenever you find yourself judging you and being mean to yourself, ask “What would I tell my friends in that situation?” And tell that yourself.
I mean, of course you could beat yourself up for not “handling life 100%”. It doesn’t change the situation tho. It will probably just make it worse because how will you motivate yourself, when you are just shit talking yourself? Or you could be understanding for yourself and tell yourself “It will be fine. Maybe not today but tomorrow.”
Fill yourself with love and empathy and compession and good memories and good things about yourself and things that will help you fly again. (But please do not fill yourself with helium.)
Love, Lea. ♡