When I opened this draft, I really thought I’d already started this post. But jokes on me, of course I didn’t. So now we’ll go on this journey to figure out what myself wanted to say weeks ago. Which is great because I don’t even know what I thought yesterday. So that will be fun. But since you’re already here, let’s see what my smart mind comes up with.
If you’ve ever read one of my blogposts you know that I always say one thing “you have to know who you are in order to know what you want”. And I still believe that. Because if we don’t know us, how will we know what makes us happy? What we want for our life? Now, that doesn’t mean that I always have an answer to this. Especially right now I really don’t. And it sucks. It really does.
So, when you lose yourself in trying to figure everything out around you, it just sucks. It makes you question everything in your life, including who you are. With that comes wondering what your purpose might be. Because even if we don’t admit it we all wanna be a part of something and leave the world better than we found it. And that’s great.
However what happens when everything you’ve believed about yourself shatters into pieces? A puzzle you don’t really know how to put back together. There goes your purpose. And I could tell you what happens, but just believe me it’s not fun.
I used to define myself through a lot of things but especially my writing. I thought my purpose was to write and to tell stories and to change the world with that. What nobody tells you is, when you have an identity crisis you stop doing the things you love. And it will make you even more upset about yourself than you already are. But I wouldn’t tell you all of that if I didn’t learn something amazingly good from this experience.
Because maybe our purpose isn’t that we are good with words or numbers. Or that we are smart, or confident or good with people (who even likes people enough for that?) Maybe we should start with something smaller.
Have you ever recognized that the people around you, who love you and appreciate you, see you a lot better than you view yourself? (If not you’re hanging out with the wrong kind of people.) And I’m not saying you should define yourself through the opinions of others. But when your perception is as fucked up as mine and you constantly find yourself talking yourself down, you should listen to the outside voices. And I don’t mean everyone around you. What I mean is the few people who know you. Who tell you the truth, even if it’s not something you want to hear. But who know that you’re capable of hearing it and so much more.
What that got to do with our purpose? And why can I tell you what all of ours first purpose is or should be? Let me suprise you (with something you probably already knew).
Our first purpose should always be to learn to see ourselves through the eyes of someone we love. And who loves us. Because you know what comes with that? Self-compession.
And you need that. You’ll need compassion for yourself. When you lose yourself or mess things up. When you’re trying to make sense of things. When you’re figuring out what you want in life. When you face yourself and try to figure out who you are.
I still agree with what I’ve always said. You have to know who you are to know what you want. What I didn’t know was it also means to see the things you don’t like about yourself or your behaviour. And to either change that or accept it. But to accept yourself, you have to love yourself first. You have to be kind to yourself to go past the things when you mess up and to not get stuck right there.
And about all the things you thought that were your purpose. What you loved that much – those might change. But maybe they don’t. Maybe you just have to miss them for a while. But the good thing is those things don’t care. You can always start them again.
So, if you think you don’t have a purpose, you do. We leave so many good things in other peoples lives without realizing it. But you can start with something small. With loving yourself. Or at least accepting yourself. And the fact that we are always changing. We are always becoming the versions of ourselves we are meant to be.
Oh and find yourself some people who love you. Who are there, even when you’re feeling like your losing it all. I’m sure you already have them. Because life is hard. And a storm is still a storm. But walking through a storm with people who love you for who you are, that’s a very less terrifying storm. And I promise you, there’s a rainbow at the end. There always is.
I’ve missed this. A lot.
So now go and be great. Be yourself.
Love, Lea. ♡
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